WARNING: Romantic notions below…
In writing my previous post “Romance, love and literature to last a lifetime…” I did some research, namely re-reading passages of “Love in the times of Cholera.” After being re-acquainted with some of my favorite passages it occurred to me how blatantly and overtly romantic the story and themes are.
“He repeated until his dying day that there was no one with more common sense, no stonecutter more obstinate, no manager more lucid or dangerous, than a poet.” Love in the Time of Cholera
Then I came across this quote on my various net surfing.
“Romance is, I must admit, one of life’s thrills. But I often find it to be a heightened, rather exaggerated or dare I even say it; a completely deceptive reflection of the man responsible for its mirage. Like most women, I have dreamt of its lasting existence but sadly understand it to be little more than a rather crafty and short-lived tool of seduction.” Anon
This quote almost knocked me off my chair. What is romance and how, if at all, does it have its place in modern day relationships? Is it merely a tool for game players to increase attraction in the opposite sex or is it, as I think it should be, a reflection of a man or woman’s love and gratitude for another. Whilst thinking about this post these following songs came on my ipod.
Michael Buble, I just haven’t met you yet.
“And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility
And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out”
John Mayer, Split screen sadness.
“So maybe I will sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch till you come back home alright
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right.”
Jeff Buckley, Everybody here wants you.
"Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile,
Coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me.
Such a thing of wonder in this crowd,
I'm a stranger in this town, you're free with me.
And our eyes locked in downcast love, I sit here proud,
Even now you're undressed in your dreams with me.
I'm only here for this moment."
In a culture saturated in instant gratification, quick seduction, thirty second commercials, internet dating, instant messaging, consumerism as a religion, and changing relationship status updates; love, romance and fidelity seem to take a back seat to the instance of affection.
The self gratification of having ones needs met first seems to be the norm; rather than the meeting of another’s before your own with the trust that the other will do the same. There is however, no surprise that Vampire novels with themes of eternity, chivalry and love are so popular in current culture. Is this because these themes seem to be so foreign to us?
Some might say that romance is an essential part in falling in love and, overtime, sustaining a relationship. Honestly I have no idea. I seem to have more questions than answers. I just hope I’m asking all the right questions.
This might not be a debate about romance but rather a debate about integrity. Is romance without sustaining action nothing more than a tool of torture for every unlucky in love single person who hides on Valentine’s Day?
I don’t know, in fact I have no idea, but I will say that as a writer themes of romance, love and relationships are easy to write and easy to sell. Arguably the most romantic movie of all time “The Notebook” grossed $81m in the US alone.
There’s no doubting it, whether we believe in it or not, romance seems to be an essential component of life. It seems to exist as a double edged sword that can both cut us free from the bonds of loneliness or give us wounds that cut deep.
One thing I do know is this…if you are going to live, live with passion. Live with purpose. If you are going to love, love with passion. Everything else is useless.
To the person who wrote that quote I found, if you ever make your way to my blog and see this post I am going to leave my final word to Shakespeare from Romeo and Juliet.
"When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun."
Take that Ryan Gosling and your “I wrote you every day for a year” hairy face, skinny, blue eyed boy kissing an engaged women.
Shame on you….!!!!
A.
Great post!
ReplyDeleteI think most people all too frequently associate romance with candle lit dinners, flowers and the like. This is the commercial version of romance that we are bombarded with from an age where we are only beginning to experience lust.
When in fact romance is very difficult to express in realistic terms and because of that, verbal expression tends to know no bounds such as with the quote from Romeo and Juliet. Yet it can also be expressed without words through a look, shared experience or moment. It is really about the deepest love you can share with your lover and is the truthful expression of how your world/experience/moment would mean nothing without them . . . . .and more . . .
Nice work Andrew. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI guess the idea of romance that some are cynical of, namely the anonymous author of the rather skeptical quote you cited, is that over-the-top type of romance that quite literally sweeps a girl off her feet and leaves her feeling rather dazed, dazzled, confused and flattered all at once.
As a girl that's had her share of such experiences, I know only too well the way in which many guys, in a desperate attempt to convince the object of their desire that they are worthy, do things that are usually pretty unsustainable...but unfortunately in the moment you just want to believe that you have landed one that will make it last. Rather sweet stuff, the kind of thing you see in movies - cooking lots of breakfasts and dinners, fine wine, expensive restaurants, big bouquets of beautiful flowers, poetry (or any other artistic talent may be equipped with to seduce). At the end of the day however, I've found that very few guys that go to such massive or ridiculous efforts in the initial stages to convince a girl of their love (or lust as is often the case in such early moments), even know how to, or really value, something like say, spending a simple evening by the beach, just enjoying their love's company and forgetting everything else, just listening to and genuinely enjoying simple stuff like listening to kids' laughter, watching dogs play, walking slowly along the jetty and patiently waiting to see the sun set. For me, that's romance. There doesn't need to be fine wine or expensive restaurants or big bouquets - all of which put a monetary value on how much one can afford or how much one is deemed worthy. It think that romance is just being truly passionate about every moment and being aware of real beauty in everything with the one you love. Money can't buy that.
You are right. Romance does exist. And true romance is far more beautiful than any movie or book can depict and beyond the imagination of any player who uses all the tricks in the book for seduction.
Thanks for renewing or rather, reminding me, of my faith in romance. Real romance.
Wow...."romance is just being truly passionate about every moment and being aware of real beauty in everything with the one you love. Money can't buy that."
ReplyDeleteI think that is a perfect way to finish this blog post. Thankyou for your insight....
"The self gratification of having ones needs met first seems to be the norm; rather than the meeting of another’s before your own with the trust that the other will do the same. There is however, no surprise that Vampire novels with themes of eternity, chivalry and love are so popular in current culture. Is this because these themes seem to be so foreign to us? "
ReplyDeleteI think this is an interesting comment. Perhaps this is the 'norm' in some of our society to think of ourselves first. I have found that becoming a parent was the biggest lesson in putting others before myself. Marriage is another. living passionately together, caring for one another and always being aware of each others needs builds long term trust and romance within a relationship.
Instant gratification has nothing on a deep long term passionate relationship. It is something to be nurtured and cherished.